Aug 20, 2024
Family or Foreigner?
One thing I noticed repeatedly on our recent trip to Osaka was how often people didn't know what to make of my family.
My husband is Japanese, but he was asked about this many times, which annoyed him greatly. It could be that we speak English a lot or that his accent in English isn't in the Japanese to American English range. Spending puberty in the UK will do that to you.
I'm Caucasian and American and don't bother speaking Japanese often as my patience for getting corrected publicly by my ten-year-old is weak.
Our kid probably looks half Caucasian, but I've noticed that most of the time, people will assume she belongs to whichever parent spoke to her last. If they're speaking Japanese, they're a Japanese dad out with his kid and I'm some aggressive foreign woman getting too close to them in public.
If we're speaking English, it's gaijin and gaijin jr, out for a walk. Some Japanese man is walking near them, which is probably a coincidence.
This happens less in Miyagi and my guess is that the lack of foreign tourists here combined with the slower pace means people aren't expecting me at all rather than assuming I'm with people who look like me and they have longer to see us all interacting before they make a guess.
Still, it was disheartening to be checked out separately by security at USJ, after they ushered my husband and daughter away, because they saw me as a random wandering foreign tourist and not part of the family I've been making for the last decade plus.
4 Comments
DavidM
on Aug 21
We don't have a child but I have had one similar experience with someone thinking I was some random foreign tourist who was rudely stopping and listening in. My wife and I were walking back to our "mansion" when her friend walking in the other direction saw her and started to talk to my wife until she noticed I had not kept on walking but stopped too. She gestured in my direction and complained that this foreigner had stopped and was looking at them. My wife quickly explained who I was. I could tell a light bulb went off as in "Oh yeah, she did say her husband was American!" But otherwise, people here have been nice overall about our "mixed marriage". On the bus or subway, more than once someone will offer to move or even stand so I could sit by my wife. Somehow we exude "couple" I guess. Maybe I subconsciously give out the signal as I am aware that I need to not appear to be some foreign tourist stalking a cute woman. But I wonder if we weren't an old couple, but younger with a child, how that would change. People are people are people the world over. Between being an Army brat, joining the Navy in my 20s, and some traveling because of conferences, I've lived in 3 countries, and visited (sometimes multiple times) many others, and everywhere I saw some locals looking down on "foreigners." Even between regions in the same country. We are all one race and divisions are so arbitrary. But, human nature being what it is...
JTsu
on Aug 24
@DavidM Indeed! Every time my "gaijin-itis" swells, reminding me how unwelcome my inherently foreign presence is, I remember what it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot. Sure, we get stared at and people don't think we're a family, but I'll take all of that every day over the fear of some redneck running my husband off the road or some racist hurling slurs or bullets. Japan is quietly racist, and usually not aggressive enough for me to have to care about. My homeland isn't. And, as you said, most people here are fine. I'm sorry your wife's friend was so clueless about your identity. That's so weird!
DavidM
on Aug 25
@JTsu "Japan is quietly racist, and usually not aggressive enough for me to have to care about. My homeland isn't. " Aye, that. One of several reasons why we moved here. If anyone was to get racist treatment, I'd rather it be me in Japan than my wife in the U.S. We had great neighbors and colleagues, in fact, Ruston, LA, was actually rather welcoming or at least quietly tolerant of international students and faculty compared to other areas, but in the U.S. as a whole, the atmosphere toward Asian people was made so much worse by Trump during COVID. One funny thing was 2\when we got married, the lady typing in info about each of us, typed in "Native American" and I corrected her. She hesitated, with a suspicious look of "Are you sure?" before finally giving in and putting in "Asian." I've had a few older people walking toward me cross the street to avoid walking by me (and crossing back when I passed). Still, I've had that happen in the U.S.--like when I was a teenager and we moved to California and I came back to Texas to visit friends, my long hair made me look a hippy I guess and an older couple saw me, got a very concerned look on their face, and crossed the street.
JTsu
on Aug 25
@DavidM I've had old ladies scowl at me and the same street crossing behavior too. I agree. In both countries, people as individuals are usually alright, but the few who suck in Japan are generally easier to deal with than their American counterparts.