Mental load and family life in Japan

I read about the concept of mental load a little while ago, and it was something that really resonated with me. It’s also sometimes referred to as cognitive labor, and it’s defined as all the little tasks that go into running a household that are typically managed by women. Some examples include keeping a track of extended family member’s birthdays, ensuring pediatrician appointments are scheduled, organizing play dates or other social activities, mapping out grocery lists, and meal planning.

Mental load is a real thing - and there are elements of it that feel extra difficult as an expat family.

Of course, not every household or relationship is going to see those tasks fall to women, so I can’t make a sweeping generalization in that regard. However, I do notice that in our household, a lot of ‘mental load’ tasks are handled by me. There are also a number of them that I find are extra challenging as an expat family.

Keeping in touch with family and friends back home

We’ve been living the expat life for the better part of a decade now, and that has meant putting in a conscious effort to keep friendships alive and stay in touch with loved ones. Being aware of different time zones, birthdays, and other special occasions for all of those people is basically a part time job in and of itself. Sending cards, presents, photos of our children, and updates on our life here has also been an important part of keeping in touch, but all of those things take time and planning.

Appointments for children

This type of mental load activity feels much harder as an expat in Japan than it would back home. Firstly, I’m navigating appointments that aren’t in my native language, and secondly...appointments here take so long that it ends up being a half-day affair for a relatively quick checkup. I am fortunate that I work from home and can structure my hours around these appointments, but still - it’s just another task that has to be planned in advance for.

Being aware of school events and projects

This is another one that I find harder as an expat because I have to translate notes that come home from Japanese to English in order to understand them properly. There are different events during the school year to remember as well, like school excursions, health checks, and sports day.

Do you find that your mental load here is more than what it would be back home? Are there any particular tasks that present extra stress for you?